*waits for 911 to call me first so i don’t sound thirsty*
everyone says they want a fairytale wedding but when i show up and curse their firstborn suddenly i’m the jerk
toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”
do you ever look back at your mistakes
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
don’t call me daddy in bed call me mayor……..tell me how cute my town is
On animal crossing
when your chem teacher gives u a pop quiz
you cant spell school without i want to stab myself
mom: *puts best selfie of me on the fridge*
*runs after garbage truck* WAIT!!!!! YOU FORGOT ME!!!!!