I'mCaptainPaoPao

shisnojon:

how come threesome porn always start off the same like

image

shipsnamedenterprise:

*planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what

drive thru guy: bye have a nice day
me: bye i love you
militiamedic:

bootyisagirlsbestfriend:

"go the fuck away im not dealing w ur snake shit today"

… he just slapped a fucking cobra.

militiamedic:

bootyisagirlsbestfriend:

"go the fuck away im not dealing w ur snake shit today"

… he just slapped a fucking cobra.

3rd grade
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
OH
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.

bombing:

doctor: the operation was a success

me: i didn’t ask