I'mCaptainPaoPao

illkim:

*waits for 911 to call me first so i don’t sound thirsty*

la-meilleure-amie:

everyone says they want a fairytale wedding but when i show up and curse their firstborn suddenly i’m the jerk

shuckl:

shuckl:

shuckl:

toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”

fries

do you ever look back at your mistakes

crocobaby:

Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?

distraction:

galaxys4:

don’t call me daddy in bed call me mayor……..tell me how cute my town is

On animal crossing

friccup:

when your chem teacher gives u a pop quizimage

gmzmaria:

honey—and-tar:

You can ignore me all you want
but who made you cum?

image

fuckoffcats:

you cant spell school without i want to stab myself

pokernon:

mom: *puts best selfie of me on the fridge*

bakrua:

*runs after garbage truck* WAIT!!!!! YOU FORGOT ME!!!!!